I am not Canadian - Quebec Version - :D

I am not Canadian - Guy Québecois

(clears throat)

I'm not unemployed or smuggling cigarettes across the border

I don't eat Pepsi and May West for breakfast (*)

I don't watch da hockey game doing it doggie-style

And no, I don't know Claude, Manon, or François in Abitibi-Témiscamingue (*)

But I'm sure they all have nice teeth

I smoke in church

I speak Québecois in joual, not French or English

I pronounce it "tird", not third

And eating French fries with cheese makes sense, mon ostie,

I believe in a distinct society, as long as someone else pays for it

I believe in language-police, not equal rights

And, calisse, I believe that Club Super-Sex is an appropriate place

for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire

What the hell, she goes on at ten anyway

In Québec, the Stanley Cup actually comes around more often than

Halley's comet

I can get beer at the dépanneur, not the convenience store

And maybe I can't turn right on a red light

But tabarnak, I can go right through it

Because Québec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup

The home of Céline Dion and Roch Voisine

The land where everybody is shacking up and the legal drinking age is

just a suggestion

Je m'appelle Guy, and I am not Canadian

Mot, t'a dit, tabarnak, ostie.

Merci, salut la vedette